Author’s Note: So… while Mackenna can drink two guys under the table, it’s still going to hit her sometime, right?

“Carrie is going to kill Nick, you know.”

Mackenna shrugged. She wasn’t sure she cared, though she should because she’d managed to drink both those boys under the table and then some, laughing the entire time. She had started feeling it toward the end of the meal, but they were already well past that point when she hit it. Carson had designated himself the driver, and she wasn’t sure what that meant, either. Did he not drink, was that it? Was that why he hadn’t had anything? Or had he just decided to be the responsible one? “Why are you sober?”
He grimaced. “Biggest lightweight of all lightweights, and I so don’t need to give my brothers anything else to humiliate me with.”

She could believe that. They were the type that would never let a good joke die. She’d enjoyed dinner—enjoyed it way too much. “They’re fun.”

“Yes, I saw you had plenty of fun.”

“Are you drunk?” Mackenna shook her head at herself, hearing him snort like he was trying not to laugh. “I mean, are you jealous?”

“Why would I be jealous? You just got adopted, Sis.”

She grinned. “So, I’m officially a part of the family?”

“You are to me.”

She found herself widening her grin. She couldn’t help it. She wanted to smile, wanted to laugh, even wanted to hug him. Hugging would be okay, maybe, since he’d done it first. “I think I finally know what it feels like to be all warm and squishy inside.”

Cameron gave her a look. “I think you’re gonna puke in a minute.”

“Maybe.” Now that he’d brought it up, she was sure she would. She didn’t want to do it here, though. She had to get moving. “Do I still get to sleep in your sleeping bag if I do?”

He laughed. “Yeah. I gave it to you, remember?”

“Oh.”

He shrugged. “Besides, I threw up after breakfast the other day. We’re even.”

“Okay.”

He put an arm around her, helping her along, and she sighed, hoping she could make it up to his apartment before she passed out or puked. She didn’t want to make a mess of him or of her shoes. She liked these boots. They were her favorites. They fit just right. Perfect shoes. Wonderful shoes.

“Where’d you learn to drink like that anyway?”

“I’d blame it on Mac and his Legion buddies, but it’s my aunt’s father who’s to blame. When we moved in with her parents…” Mackenna stopped. She held a hand to her mouth while Carson kept her upright. She was going to fall and puke if she let go. “I’m dizzy. Can’t walk anymore.”

He frowned. “I doubt I can carry you properly. You want to try riding piggyback?”

She giggled. “Yes. Please.”

He knelt, letting her fall onto his back, and then he hoisted her up, heading up the stairs. She wrapped her arms around his neck, holding onto him. Closing her eyes, she kept smiling. She liked this. It felt good. “You’re a good brother. Not just for me. For them, too.”

“Just because I’m the designated driver doesn’t mean much.”

“Yeah, it does.”

“I suppose you’d hate me for thinking maybe you should have the bed because it’s closer to the bathroom.”

“Not sure it’s going to matter. I’m going to puke then pass out, so…”

“So I can put you wherever I want?”

“No. If I agree to that, I’ll end up on the floor or someplace weird like the bathtub.”

He stopped at the door, and she slid off his back, leaning against the wall as he opened the door. She let him help her inside and back toward the bathroom. “Thank you, Carson. Next time remind me that even I have limits.”

“I don’t think there should be a next time.” He sat her down next to the towel seat. “You shouldn’t do this to yourself.”

“I don’t. Not often. Not as often as I might have been tempted to do it, that’s for sure. Just one drink with the Legion every once and a while. I swear.”

She felt him brush back her hair, gathering it up. “I don’t have anything to hold this for you so be careful when you do puke.”

“Should have something in my bag.”

“I’ll get it for you.”

She smiled. He was being way too nice. “Thank you. You… You’re taking good care of me.”

Author’s Note: It was almost just Carson and his brothers, but that’s not half as fun.

“So, really, you should just have told us you got a girlfriend.”

“I don’t have a girlfriend. Mackenna’s not my girlfriend. She’s… a friend, yeah, and a woman, but she’s not—we’re not dating. If anything, she’s… a business partner,” Carson said, finding the words awkward and hoping that she didn’t take his brothers up on the offer to join them. She could have whatever was in his apartment to eat if she needed something, but the whole visit seemed ruined now that his brothers had come in and made that assumption. She was just a friend. A sister, maybe, and he couldn’t tell them how much he needed her to help him through this whole business with the car and his memories and getting him over all of it.

He needed her. He could not have his brothers screwing this up.

“Business associate?”

“Yeah, uh… The car. She’s the one I took it to. Well, the granddaughter of the guy I took it to. She’s a good mechanic, and she had some ideas about the car and how to best handle it, so that’s what we’re working on. The car.”

Nick frowned. “I thought that was such a junk heap that all you were going to do was sell it off for what they’d give to you.”

“It’s worth a lot more restored, and we’re still trying to find out if we can do that, how much we’d have to invest in it, what kind of interest there would be. She’s got a car show she wants to take it to next week, and we’ll show it around, get a sense of the potential and whether or not it’s worth doing anything with.”

Larry nodded. “Sounds like a good idea, actually. Investing a little, getting more out of it, and you know, maybe it would be worth something to a museum, if nothing else. Shame we have no idea where it came from.”

“Did… Who ended up with the photo albums? I forgot in all the confusion and upset after the will got read,” Carson said, looking from one of his brothers to the other. “They didn’t go to Uncle Tim or his wife. There was a specific bequest for them, and maybe in there somewhere is a picture of the car from when it was new and in our family.”

“You think it’s been in the barn for more than thirty years?”

“Why not? It’s possible, isn’t it?” Carson shrugged, though a part of him kicked himself for not thinking of it sooner. “If they don’t want to look, they can just let me borrow them for a while, and I’ll get them back as soon as I’m done. A car with a story—like one that’s been in the same family for over a hundred years—that’s a better sell than one with nothing. You should see the one her grandfather has. It’s all original. He’s never changed a thing except the passenger seat because the cushion was worn too thin and hurt his wife when she rode with him.”

Nick shook his head. “Somehow, I don’t think you’re going to sell that car. No, you’ll get all attached to it and become one of those strange old men who takes his special car out on Sundays and pisses everyone off by making them drive thirty miles in a sixty-five zone.”

Carson rolled his eyes. “I’m not that old—I’m also not going to keep the car. I just figured this was a better way of dealing with it. You won’t find me out tinkering all the time. You know I’m no mechanic. You couldn’t wait to give me crap about my real car, remember?”

“Has that thing fallen apart on you yet, or has your girlfriend fixed it?”

“Damn it, she’s not my girlfriend. Stop calling her that. You make her sound like… something less than she is.”

“And that would be a shame, because I’m a hell of a lot more than anyone thinks,” Mackenna said, joining them. “I thought it was women who liked to gossip, but you boys couldn’t even get in your car without talking about me. I’m not sure if I’m flattered or disappointed.”

“Be flattered,” Larry told her. “You’re on the minds of three good-looking brothers. You could almost have your pick, other than the one that’s married, so take it as a compliment and commence making us squirm because you know you can.”

She lifted an eyebrow. “Where are these three good-looking men? I’m not seeing any around.”

Carson laughed. “Thank you. We all deserved that.”

“You bet you did,” she said, leaning against the car. “So, I was thinking… steak dinner, someone else buying, how could I refuse? I’ve just got one question—there a limit on how many drinks I can have?”

“Uh,” Nick began, about to tell her that they hadn’t said anything about paying for it—Carrie would kill him for that—but Larry just grinned, shaking his head.

“No limit. I’m curious to see how much a lady mechanic can drink down.”

“One problem with that.”

“You can’t hold your liquor?”

“No. I’m not and never have been a lady.”

Author’s Note: It was time for the two sides to meet. Or at least, time for Mackenna to meet the other Koslow boys.

“I’m not sure I understand what’s going on here,” Mackenna said, shaking her head at the paperwork. Whatever his company was up to, she couldn’t make heads or tails of it. She didn’t know what she was going to do to help Myers—or what Carson could do, and he was the expert there. Right now, she was lost. She didn’t have any kind of plan. “Is this supposed to make sense?”

“It’s a bureaucracy, so no.”

She laughed. That made sense. He came over and picked up the file, taking it over to his chair, flipping through the pages. He muttered to himself as he did, and she didn’t think that his babbling was confined to his flashbacks or nightmares. Babbling was a part of him.

A loud rap on the door made them both jump, and he dropped his papers. She stiffened, not sure who they should have been expecting. She hadn’t wanted to drive back before they did something about this Myers thing, and now the day was almost gone—so gone that Mac would be angry with her for driving the Airstream at night. She had more or less accepted that she’d be on Carson’s loveseat for another night, though she didn’t know how he’d feel about it. Still, neither of them were expecting anyone.

Carson rose, frowning. “I… Maybe it’s just a neighbor. Or something. I don’t know. Just a second.”

She nodded, leaning over to grab the papers for him while he dealt with the door. She shifted them into a neat stack and put them on the coffee table. She looked up in time to see two men pushing past Carson into the apartment, and she stood, trying to figure out what to do.

“Oh,” the blond said, stopping when he saw her. “Carson didn’t say he wasn’t alone.”

“Like you gave me a chance, Nick,” Carson said, rolling his eyes. “Mackenna, my brothers. Nick and Larry. They decided to come check on me in person.”

“You haven’t answered your phone since you left Grandpa’s,” the one Carson called Larry said, giving his brother a dirty look. “First you leave when we all thought you were too sick to go, then you ignore us, and we finally came to your apartment to make sure you weren’t dead. So sue us. If you ever answered your phone, you’d know we were worried. You also never called when you drove back. If you don’t want people barging in on you, tell them you’re fine for a change. We’re not that nosy.”

Carson shook his head. “Sure you’re not. I don’t believe that for a second.”

She smiled, leaning back and watching the show for a moment. She knew that Carson didn’t trust his brothers, but it was still nice to see the brothers interacting, acting like a family. She kept expecting Larry to grab Carson and give him a noogie, and she didn’t know why.

“So, you’re the reason why Carson was acting so weird and dodging us, huh?” Nick asked as he sat down on the other end of the loveseat, making himself at home. “He’s probably told you a bunch of stories about his brothers and now you’re wishing you’d run since we showed up.”

She looked at him. “I don’t run. Your mouth does, clearly.”

“I like your girlfriend,” Larry said, clapping Carson on the back. “I like anyone who gives Nick crap, though.”

“He likes it better when they’re picking on Carson,” Nick said, giving Larry a shove. Carson glared at both of them.

“Okay, first of all, Mackenna’s not my girlfriend, and in the second, you already confirmed that I’m alive and well, so you can go before you humiliate me further. Just go. Thank you for checking, but get out. Now.”

“Ooh, ouch,” Nick said, turning toward her. “I suppose we just ruined his chances, huh? You’ll never date him now, right? Not after this.”

She rolled her eyes. “I don’t know what it is about people that immediately makes them jump to the conclusion that two people of the opposite sex must be dating just because they’re in the same spot. That is ridiculous.”

“Well, Carson never has girls in his apartment, so we were naturally a bit confused.”

“Wow, way to dig the hole deeper,” Carson said, taking hold of Larry’s arm. “Go. Please. Before you make things any worse. You already managed to insult both of us and look like jerks, so your work here is done, trust me.”

“No, no, we’re dragging you out to dinner first. Come on, Carson, when was the last time you ate?” Larry said, pushing his brother toward the door. He looked back over his shoulder. “You’re welcome to join us if you can put up with us, but it’s a rule—if we’re in town, we make our baby brother eat. He doesn’t take good enough care of himself.”

“Larry—”

“I’m thinking steak,” Nick said as he rose. “At least for me. Carrie went all vegetarian on me, and I would love some red meat. Carrie’s my wife, by the way. I’m married. Don’t worry. I won’t make a play for you since you’re not with Carson. Can’t say the same about Larry.”

“Hey—”

“Well, if she’s single…” Larry said, winking at her. Nick laughed as he reached for the door handle. Opening it, he and Larry pushed Carson out the door, leaving her shaking her head at all of them.

Author’s Note: Ice cream might help deductive reasoning. Might not, though.

“You’ve got some on your nose.”

Mackenna frowned. “How did I get ice cream on my nose and not notice? You’re just trying to mess with me, aren’t you?”

Carson shook his head, leaning over to wipe the bit off her nose as she turned red as her hair. He smiled at her before sitting back with his bowl, slurping up the remains of his ice cream. He wanted more, but he’d already had two bowls, and that was plenty, even if the doctor’s visit had been somewhat traumatic and more than a little unpleasant. He never wanted to have one of those conversations again. Yeah, so there’s a gap in my memory somewhere, and it’s possible that I was molested. Is there anyway to look and see if it did happen, or would there be any proof now? It would have been when I was a child, but I don’t know when…

He didn’t know how he’d managed to ask, and the doctor had been gentle and helpful as she explained what they would look for—most of the signs of former abuse were things that his shrink was supposed to be able to help him with, but Carson wasn’t so sure about that because if that were true, why’d he miss it the last time?

Maybe he needed a new shrink.

He didn’t want to go back to any shrinks. If he could just unlock his memories, maybe he’d have an answer and it wouldn’t be what he feared. “Do you think it could be traumatic enough if I just… saw my father kill himself? I mean, you sort of had that, so… you’d know better than anyone. Is that what I blocked out?”

Mackenna took a deep breath. “Look, I didn’t see what happened to my uncle. I was outside, and I may have heard the shot, but I don’t know for sure. All I know is when I went to ask him about dinner, he was… well, dead, and it damaged me plenty. I can’t handle those scents that I associate with him and I can’t go into Mac’s bedroom, either. Not that I want to, but if I need to wake him, it’s not easy for me to force myself into his room. I have a flash of him lying there in blood like my uncle, and usually I wake him by whimpering in the doorway instead.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re trying to figure out what’s in your head. I don’t blame you for asking.”

“I know, but I shouldn’t have pushed. I keep picking at all your old wounds, and that’s not fair to you. You shouldn’t have to bleed again just to stop my pain.”

She shrugged, setting her bowl on the coffee table. “I have to say, if it was just your father’s suicide, that would be… oh, best case scenario, right? No one hurt you, no one killed him, but it damaged you good, and you’re still struggling with it.”

Carson rose, taking his bowl into the kitchen. “I don’t know that I believe it. You’re still functioning after what happened to your uncle. Why am I so pathetic that seeing my father do that breaks me? Shouldn’t I be able to move past it instead of holding onto it in nightmares like this?”

She followed him, stopping in the doorway. “Everyone’s different, and I told you—I didn’t see anything. You might have seen the whole thing. Maybe you got splattered by the blood, and that’s why you dreamed about blood on you that one time. Maybe he ranted for a while, terrified you with the gun, and that’s why you screamed ‘don’t,’ and then maybe he saw what he was doing and put the gun to his own head and pulled the trigger. You could have been badly traumatized by that.”

He nodded, accepting her bowl from her. “There must have been two shots, though.”

“What?”

“The angle of the bullet that hit Phantom. It didn’t hit like it passed through someone, and I don’t remember him up against a car. I remember him on the floor of the barn. One missed, one hit him, and there’s no way it could have been suicide even if the bullet did go through him and into the car.”

She grimaced. “Yeah, I’m no expert, but I have to agree with you. I don’t suppose you know anyone in law enforcement or forensics, do you?”

“No.”

“Me, either.”

“Well, I did get the sheriff to do the cadaver dog thing—Grandpa did—but I wouldn’t say he’s a friend or that I could ask him about doing tests on the car or anything. I wish it had been suicide, but I’m pretty sure it’s not. Why didn’t I go to that first?”

She laughed. “That’s easy. You’re a worst case scenario thinker. So am I. If you prepare for the worst, what you get isn’t so bad, right?”

“Yeah.”

“So… where does Myers live and how can we help him beat the evil that is your company?”

“Um…” Carson knew he should be used to her changes of subject by now, but she still got him every once and a while. “I’m not sure. Let me grab the file. It’s somewhere around here…”

Author’s Note: I didn’t want to go into detail about Carson’s doctor’s visit. This seemed to be the better way to handle that.

“How’d it go?” Mackenna asked, rising from her chair. She’d forgotten how much she hated waiting rooms. Doctor’s offices and hospitals were the worst—whether she was waiting to hear if her aunt had some new disease or dealing with her grandmother’s quick decline after her stroke—and she never wanted to sit in another one of those chairs again, never wanted to see any of those magazines, and she could use a shower from all the unpleasant memories.

“Bad.”

She frowned. “Bad? As in… you have a tumor bad or bad as in you fainted at the sight of blood or bad as in—”

“As in there’s no way to get in for a non-emergency scan for at least a week. They don’t do those for just any reason, and I’m not showing any symptoms of a possible tumor or any kind of neurological condition. I’d have to pay for it out of pocket because no one would recommend the procedure and get it past my medical insurance. Oh, and the other part… there’s apparently no way to be sure about that. Sometimes there’s scars, but if there isn’t, it’s not definitive proof that nothing happened. It’s just… closer to a no than a yes. Or I think that’s what it means.”

She stepped close to him, putting a hand on his arm. “I’m sorry. I know we were both hoping for a lot more here. Answers, solutions—at least one part of it could have been eliminated, right? That would have been… nice.”

He nodded, letting out a breath. “Um… I need another shower, so can you drive me back by my apartment before we head back to the farm? I just can’t… I’m not sure how I got those words out, but having that—she wants me to go back to my shrink.”

“That might not be such a bad idea.” Mackenna stopped. “Wait, your doctor is a woman?”

He shrugged. “It’s hard enough to talk myself into seeing a doctor on the best of days, and having some old guy doing the exam? No appeal there. Picked a lady that reminded me of my mom instead. Can almost fool myself into thinking it’s just her fussing, not something else.”

“It’s not, though.”

“Are you trying to read something in to the fact that my doctor’s a woman?”

“No. I’m—Honestly, I hope we find something that tells you that we were wrong about that part of the theory. Not that we won’t get you through it if we find that we’re right, it’s just…”

“I know.”

She nodded, not sure how else to help him, not at the moment. This was beyond her, and she didn’t know that she could do anything at this point. She let out a breath. “I want ice cream.”

“Trying to change the subject on me again?”

“Didn’t work this time, did it?”

“Not really. Except now I want ice cream, too, so… Why don’t you drop me off at my apartment, I’ll shower, and you can get us some from the store? The little shop on the other corner of the street should have plenty.”

“Only I have to go get it?”

“Well, I figured it would save a bit of time, unless you want to wait around for me to shower. Oh, no, you can’t do that. You might fall asleep again. Get another kink in your neck.”

She grimaced. “It’s not that bad. Your loveseat is surprisingly comfortable. Either that, or your sleeping bag is. I was out like a light, and that never happens.”

“You can have the sleeping bag if you want.”

“Okay.”

“That was easy.”

Shrugging, she nudged him forward, trying to get them both out of the waiting room. She didn’t mind going to pick up the ice cream, not really, and she would rather not wait around while he was in the shower, either. “Did you get the doctor’s note you need for work?”

“Yeah. I’m going to call the office later and see if I can arrange leave or if I’m quitting so that I can take that trip you wanted to go on. That’s… Tuesday, right?”

“We drive down on Tuesday. The pre-tours start on Wednesday, and the full hundred twenty mile tour is on Saturday. We’ll need most of the week, but I don’t want you to have to quit because of me—”

“I hate my job. If they won’t give me time off, then I’ll find a new one when I get back. Even if the trip is a long shot, I’ve been… I don’t think I can do this any longer, can’t go on without answers. I don’t know how to get them, but I can’t keep doing this. I’m… I’m not okay, and that’s obvious to everyone who knows me.”

“We’ll do our best to get you your answers, Carson. I promise.”

He wrapped an arm around her, pulling her into a hug. She stared at him. Since when did they hug? Not that it was bad, but they didn’t do this. They barely touched. “Um…”

“Sorry. I just… I needed to thank you. For that promise. For everything.”

She smiled. “You’re welcome. Now let’s go get that ice cream.”

Author’s Note: I was going to write a role reversal bit with Mackenna being the one with the nightmares. It didn’t end up that way, but a part of why she is the way she is slipped out anyway.

“I’m going to shower before I go to sleep. Just fair warning,” Carson said, not sure he wanted to look at Mackenna. Things had been awkward ever since she snapped at him in the car, and a part of him regretted ever bringing up the subject of their sleeping arrangements. He hadn’t meant anything by it. If they didn’t have the complication of being of the opposite sex, he would have suggested sharing, but they were, and it was different. They could ignore it most of the time, but they weren’t related, they weren’t dating, and he didn’t want her thinking that he was… after that. He needed her, needed her friendship and her guidance and the way she always pushed, and he didn’t want to lose that because of any kind of misunderstanding.

Of course, it almost felt like he’d lost it already because she’d been so cold on the walk over, and now that they were in his apartment, the tension was worse. He thought it best to separate for a while, and he did need a shower anyway. “Mackenna?”

“That’s fine.”

He wasn’t sure if that was distraction or fatigue he heard in her voice, but he didn’t like it much. “I’ll grab my sleeping bag out of the closet and bring it out to you.”

She nodded. He turned and went to grab it, wondering if they’d still be like this in the morning. He had to to back to get his car when he was finished at the doctor’s, and maybe then it would be better if he didn’t talk to her again. It wasn’t right, dumping his issues on a stranger, and no matter what she’d been through, she wasn’t obligated to help him.

He grabbed the bag out of the closet, taking it back to the front room. She’d take up a spot on the loveseat, staring out into space, and he set the bag down next to her, not getting any kind of reaction. He hesitated, not sure he should leave her like this. “You okay?”

“What?” Her eyes went to the bag, and she grimaced. “Wow. I’m more tired than I thought. I didn’t even hear you come back.”

“Are you sure you don’t want the bed? I should have an air mattress or something, but Larry’s got all our family’s camping gear, and camping was mostly about hunting, and I’ve never been much of a hunter.”

“Bad shot?”

“Worse. Animal lover.”

“Oh.”

“Mackenna, really, take the bed. I’ll be a while before I’m ready to sleep, and if you’re that tired, you can have it. You drove, and I kept you up last night. Fair is fair.”

“I’m fine.”

He knew she wasn’t, but he decided not to push this time. He didn’t need to set her off again, didn’t need to hurt her by forcing the issue. He didn’t like the feeling he got when he thought about her reaction to this, and he wanted to pretend he didn’t see it. “I didn’t offer it to you because I was hoping to trick you.”

“Is that what you think I—I don’t do men’s bedrooms because that’s where I found my uncle, okay? It’s not what you think.” She twisted her hands together. “I could still smell his aftershave, his deodorant, everything that made up his unique scent, you know, that one that someone has that lets you know that they’re there? My aunt shut that room up, and every time the door opened, that smell was still there. I don’t know if she went in there and sprayed or spilled that stuff just to be close to him or not, but you wear the same deodorant, and there is no way I’m walking into your bedroom, Carson. Don’t push me again.”

“I won’t. I’m sorry. I… I just couldn’t… couldn’t let you be scared of that with me.” He fidgeted. “I’m the surrogate brother, right? You should be able to feel… comfortable with me.”

“I am.”

“Okay. Good. So… I’m going to shower. I’ll check on you after I’m done, just before I turn in, all right?”

She smiled. “You don’t have to do that.”

“I know. I want to.”