Author’s Note: Well… since one can’t really see the moon in the new moon or dark moon phase… It fits.
She’d curled up against herself, and she didn’t want to think about where they were at the moment. She wasn’t sure. She’d had to fight her father to get free, and by the time she’d managed to get away from him, the police and fire department had gotten there. She’d set the fire, she didn’t deny that, but they’d wanted to arrest her, and she was pretty sure her father would have let them since he thought she was completely insane now.
She didn’t know if going with them would have been safer or not. If she tried to tell them the truth, about Alvin or about Tynan, she doubted they’d believe her, and so she’d end up locked away. Maybe if they did lock her up, she could still paint, but what would be the point in living like that? She’d already started down that path a few times, and she’d hated it. She hated being drugged into a zombie—though she’d almost welcomed it when things were at their worst—and she would not do it again. She had to find a way to keep going.
She didn’t have any money, had nowhere to stay now that she’d been forced from her home, and she was lost. She didn’t know how she’d managed to screw up her life so badly, but she had to figure this day was always coming. She’d been good at self-sabotage in the past, and creative types almost always came to a bad end, didn’t they? True, she was no Lord Byron, and she didn’t think she ever wanted to come close to that, but she’d kind of figured she’d end up doing something stupid that got her killed.
She was in love with a black hole, after all. Did things get stupider than that? When she thought about it, she couldn’t find a more ridiculous idea. How could someone love something like that? How could she think of a black hole like… a person? How could she act like he was human and they could have all the things normal couples did? He didn’t think he was capable of love, and they couldn’t touch so they couldn’t kiss or show any real affection in a physical sense. Their species were incompatible, so no children could come out of this, either.
Not that she thought she’d ever want a child after all this, but that wasn’t the point.
She shook her head. She had to be crazy. How could she want all this? Why would anyone want Tynan, why would they love him? He’d always been different, a bit strange and kind of funny without meaning to, and he did act like a person, not a black hole, but that didn’t mean that he was one.
No, he was. She believed that. He was his own person, he fought against his own nature, and that was something unique and wonderful and not at all like her with her cowardice. She’d stuck to the familiar, never confronted her father about the way he was treating her, never defied him except when she left with Tynan, and that wasn’t right, either.
“Friend Luna, are you crying?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. Probably. I’m tired, Alvin, and I don’t know what we’re going to do.”
“We find Tynan. We find hive. We be safe and happy again.”
Alvin could put things so simply sometimes that she thought he was more of a child than anything. She sighed. Maybe Tynan’s original suggestion for Alvin was best. She should find a way to get him back to his hive.
Only he’d be punished for that, and she didn’t want him hurt. She just didn’t know how to help either of them at the moment.
“Friend Luna misses Tynan. We find Tynan, Friend Luna be happy again.”
“It’s not that easy, Alvin. Don’t you think if we knew where Tynan had gone, we wouldn’t have already gone to drag him back? It’s not like I want to sit around waiting and hoping—and mostly I don’t, I stopped hoping a long time ago—but there’s not much else I can do about getting him back. He doesn’t even realize what he’s done, I bet. He never seemed to before, not until… Well, he was different when he brought you back with him, but… I don’t know. Maybe the damage was done by then.”
“Me, Alvin. I’m damaged.”
“Friend Luna is hurt? How hurt? How can we help Friend Luna get better?”
She let out a breath. “No, Alvin. I’m not hurt, not like that. I don’t think you’d ever be able to understand what I mean by that, so just forget it. I’m not hurt. I’m… I’m tired. I’m going to try and sleep, and if I don’t get arrested for vagrancy, I’ll make some kind of plan in the morning.”
“Alvin sleep next to Friend Luna?”
They didn’t have his recordings, and she didn’t know that she’d be able to stand it for long, but she nodded, letting him settle in next to her, listening to her stomach and humming. He’d snore next, and she doubted she’d get any sleep, but she wouldn’t have anyway.
She’d never been or felt more lost in her life.