Author’s Note: After quite a while of being stubborn and annoying and unlikable, Terra finally decided to take a turn at telling the story and while this explanation won’t make her anyone’s favorite, it does go a long way to help explain why she is the way she is right now.
“I’m not sure how good an idea this is, but I’m here to relieve you. Cress needs you, and while I don’t know that… Well, hopefully she’ll be too distracted by listening to the earth to notice me so that you can go to your brother.”
Terra wanted to shut out the voices. She didn’t want to hear anything, couldn’t do what she needed to do when she heard others in the room. She wasn’t good enough at this in the first place. She wanted to grab hold of her brother, use him to steady her as she had always done, but he wasn’t here.
He’d never be here again.
The earth shifted, and she swore it was trying to disagree with her, but she forced herself to ignore that. The idea was crazy. She was crazy. She was going out of her head with grief. That was all it was.
“You sure you’re okay, Enya? It’s only been a few hours—”
“Do you want me to drain your brother, or do you want to help him? I’m not an idiot. I know what I do to him, and if I could leave now, I would. I’m as fine as I ever am, so just go to him before things get worse.”
“Don’t pretend to be so noble,” Terra said, her eyes opening as she fixed the firebug with a dark look. Her concentration was gone, and she couldn’t get it back. “You walked away and abandoned us years ago, and you can’t come back and act like it’s nothing. Maybe you’re doing the right thing by Cress now, but where were you all the other times he pushed himself to the breaking point? Where were you when my brother died?”
Enya glared at her. “And if I’d been there, would you be blaming me for his death? If I let the monster out, would that make you happy? I could kill you all just like I did my family. Is that what you really want?”
“It’s not what anyone wants,” Oceana said. “There’s no point in you two spending another minute together. I’d think that maybe you’d have a bit more sympathy in you after losing your brother, but you can’t seem to stop—”
“Someone’s coming,” Terra said, frowning. She reached a hand out to the wall of the motel, using it to connect her to the ground. She did not understand why she was feeling like this. Stone would have leveled it out, explained it. “I think.”
“Are you sure?”
Terra shook her head, lowering her chin to her chest. “Damn it. Stone was always so much better at this than me, and I don’t… I can’t do this without him. I can’t stand it.”
Oceana nodded. “Let me wake Moira. She can help pinpoint it if there is something.”
Terra wrapped her arms around herself, turning to the window. She closed her eyes. Oceana had gone, taking the moisture in the room with her, and Terra would have sworn the walls moved in on the two of them that were left behind. “I know we’ve never gotten along, Enya, but I’m—I’m not usually like this. I can’t stop pushing everyone away…”
“Did you have any sense, after your family died, that they were still there? Like… a part of the flame that didn’t die out?” Terra asked, looking back at Enya. The other woman frowned. “I never had that sense when our parents died, but with Stone… There’s a part of me that can’t stop feeling him… I want to say he’s alive, but I know he’s not. I’m going out of my mind, and I keep lashing out at everyone.”
“I know that Cress is overworked and needs to recover, but you should talk to him. He might be able to help.”
“He does, but he can’t be there constantly. I feel it whenever he walks away, as if he’s the only thing keeping me calm, keeping me sane, and I can’t—You know I can’t live like that. No one can.” Terra ran her hands over her arms. “I guess, losing our parents before any of the rest of you did, Stone and I were too close, too dependent on each other, me more than him… Why wasn’t it me? It should have been me.”
Enya let out a breath. “I can’t say I’d argue with that.”
“Most of you wouldn’t. Stone was loved. I’m just… tolerated.”
Terra nodded. That much was true. Most of them couldn’t forgive Enya for walking away, and they never would. Sherwin pretended he was over it because he wanted to get her back, and Oceana never said how she felt about anything. Moira kept silent to keep the team going, keep them in motion. Cress… He had been in touch with Enya, so it was different with him. He must have forgiven her years ago, if he was ever mad at her in the first place.
“I wasn’t there, so I have no idea, but is it possible that Stone wasn’t dead?”
“I… No. He… He was dead. The earth… It was all different…” Terra shook her head. “Don’t confuse me any more than I already am. He’s gone. I just have to accept that.”
“And we have to go.”