Category Archives: Fresh Kabobbles

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Writing Is Grieving

Writing has long been my preferred coping mechanism. People who wonder at my output shouldn’t necessarily do so. I have a long standing habit of using writing to cope with life or escape it, and while I’m told it’s not really normal to write when one is grieving, that it should be impossible, I’m not that way.

I’ve been writing. I need to try and write again. I won’t speak to the quality of it, and I’m not sure I’d share it, yet I find myself needing to do something to that effect. That is… I’ve lost my way again, and I don’t know how to keep the writing going.

Arthur is gone. That hurts so much I swear I would just shut down and cease to function myself (he was my symbiote, my other half, I am NOT okay with him gone) and the only way I know of coping with this sort of emotional duress is writing.

I may need help with that, though. My ideal thing would be to send fic bits to someone and have them tell me what they thought, but even just having some direction would be okay. Prompts, suggestions, stories someone wants to see more of, anything. Make me finish a challenge or do a bingo card. Something. Maybe I can do it for someone else because doing it just for myself isn’t working.

Arthur would be here, now, snuggling next to me and trying to block my keyboard, trying to make me feel better. He’s not here. I need something else, something that helps fill the gaping hole where he was… or just something to make me forget it’s there for a few minutes.

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On Updates and Prompts

So there has been a lot of silence around here and none of the promised things have appeared. I don’t think I can really go into detail about most of that, but I will give a short explanation. We’ve been dealing with some legal issues that mean a temporary suspension of publishing and posting.

Unfortunately, I don’t think I can put new fic up right now. I want to, desperately, but circumstances are preventing that just now.

I will try and do something for the more neutral sides of the website, but no promises there.

If you would like to see more fic, I would love to share it or even just talk about it with someone, though that would have to take place off-site. Let me know, and I will try and get fic to you. Email is my preferred method, but I’d try other ways if someone was interested.

Also, if anyone would like to pass along prompts, I’d be willing to give them a shot. I’d have to send the responses through email most likely, but I welcome the opportunity to write and share that with anyone willing to read it.

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Upcoming Things Again

I know I keep saying that there is a new serial coming.

I’m not lying. There is one. I’m just trying to avoid the problems that plagued the last one, and so I’m taking a few steps to keep that from happening. The serial cover has been finished, I’m going back and forth about the title, and I’m halfway through what should be the first chapter. That means I’ll have some updates ready in the wings when I get started posting it.

Also, I’ve decided to enact the first of what I hope may be many Kabobbles Sing Along Album Challenges.

I will be explaining what that means soon, but as I was having a technical issue with the site, this is also a test post to make sure everything is working again. I need to get this looking right, so apologies for any duplicate posts.

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Good News, Bad News, and Just News

So I have to apologize. I’ve had a rough few months this winter. I’ve been sick near constantly, for one thing, and it seemed like just as soon as I got better, I got sick again. I’ve had some interesting drama with my other job, and now I can’t say that things are settled or that I am actually cured (I may be getting sick again.) However, I have what I believe should be considered good news:

A new writing project and serial is forthcoming. I’ve been percolating it for a bit, and I’ve dug up some pieces to start making a cover for it with, so that should be up soon.

Bad news: I am shelving Better than Dreams again. Unfortunately, the story still has major issues that I cannot figure out how to fix, so it will sit until I do.

I believe that is it for news, unless someone really wants to know that I have yet another headache and sore throat.

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An Update on Having No Updates

I have another overdue apology and explanation due.

I haven’t been able to come up with any updates for the site. That owes to my inability to write. I haven’t been able to do anything for over a month, and not just because I came down with what might have been pneumonia. I was sick for two weeks, but really the issue is continued writer’s block.

I can’t get anywhere with my stories. I had to suspend the Dreams serial a while back, and I can’t find a way to fix the issues with it, again, and that was a huge blow to progress, and I thought maybe I’d find some other way back into fiction, but it’s not working.

I feel like saying it doesn’t matter because no one reads this anyway, but that’s not true. My head would be a better place if I were writing my stories again, but I can’t. I don’t know what would change that, but I wish I did. I want to write, need to write, but I can’t.

I can’t say when I’ll have new updates or if I should just take down the site and everything I’ve written and burn it all in an epic fire. I didn’t want to say anything because I feel like I do too much complaining, especially when writer’s blocked, but if there was someone reading, I owe them an explanation. This is why things stopped, this is where I am, and I don’t know how to fix it or change it.

I am sorry.

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Suspending Dreams Again

I found another problem with the story. They just seem to keep mounting up.

I am still hoping that there is some way of resolving these issues, but as it is, I can’t find it, and I am thinking I have to throw the whole thing in the trash.

This, of course, is very depressing and hasn’t helped much in the mood department or in finding a fix, but I figured I’d better say something.

Even Better than Dreams won’t get updates until I can find a solution or make myself throw it all away.

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The Tentative Return of a Serial

So, last night in the midst of my grief and insomnia, I somehow found a way to answer the question that had held up the serial I’d started and removed last year, Even Better than Dreams.

I could be wrong in thinking this, since I can’t deny that I am under the influence of a cold and grief, but I may have a way of fixing the major plot hole in the story, the one question I couldn’t answer to my satisfaction or anyone else’s.

I am going to attempt to post the edit as I go along, though I admit… I’ve already gotten quite a bit done there, so it will be a while before it catches up to where I am. I was very impressed with the edits I’d done before when I looked them over, and I think there’s some value in posting them and trying to complete the serial.

This may be a mistake, which is why this is a tentative return. I can’t say I won’t pull it down again, and I can’t promise that I made every flaw in the story go away (sometimes I like the flaws when I shouldn’t) but I am going to try it. At this point, I’m still figuring out what makes things go and what doesn’t, but I think having something to share and post is still a good thing. At least it’s out there to be seen, which is more than a lot of stories get.

So… Today marks the return of Even Better than Dreams.

For now, at least.

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Having a No Job Party

It was suggest to me that I put a positive spin on my current employment situation with my other job.

You see, the union went to bat for other people who had hours cut and what naught, and the higher ups settled with the union by cutting my position. Well, by saying all the people working jobs like the one I have must be this other title/position and quite possibly belong to the union.

Anyway, since union dues would break me at my current rate of pay, the new position may only allow one of us per office, and I can’t even try to take the exam I need for this other position until the job is posted and still have no guarantee of getting it, I’ve decided on this for a positive spin: a no-job party.

I’m going to treat being fired (which they lack the guts to say they’re doing) as a reason to celebrate.

I’m currently not sure all that entails, but I know writing will be a part of it. So, if anyone wants to join the celebration with prompts or share music or pictures, feel free to do so.

I am toying with doing a bit of combined genre stuff. I’ve been rereading some of my historicals and was thinking of blending some of them with science fiction. I was starting a blend of sci fi mystery with the Integrated Division stuff I did, and I think I’d enjoy doing more of that even though I keep getting stuck on Division stuff.

I was, of all things, thinking of using the Fire and Water universe to try this fusion. Cress and Occie are fourth generation water, after all, and I see some real potential there, though only a day or so ago, I almost deleted all Fire and Water files from my computer.

I guess that proves the need for a positive spin on the other job. So, let’s celebrate.

Let’s see if there’s some fun or at least some writing left in me.

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About Nano

I don’t think I’m going to do Nanowrimo this year.

I usually do, have since I found out about it and thought it was a step toward getting me to finish something.

I thought I’d need it this year to get me back to completing stuff, but the more it loomed out in the distance, the more I realized that I’m already drowning in enough stress, and I’m not going to add to it artificially by imposing a deadline and a goal I’m not capable of reaching right now.

I can’t sustain a 50,000 word novel. It galls me to admit that, but it’s true. I only had one get that far since last Nano, and that has become a disaster in several ways, and I just don’t think Nano is a good idea this year.

I went ahead and deleted my nano account. I was already frustrated because I couldn’t change my username, and I haven’t gone by that one in over two years anyway, so why not make another clean break? I’m done with livejournal, done with Nano.

Sometimes I rather feel like being done with myself, but that doesn’t quite work. Still, I think it’s better if I don’t try and force myself through Nano. I may even shut down the website for the rest of the year because I’m not so sure any of the upcoming events/time will be a good mental place for me. Holidays, even though I don’t celebrate them, make my life miserable at my other job, and as long as I have it (which might not last though the date is currently December 22 when I’ll lose it) and the winter months and a certain other event I won’t specify because then people want to celebrate it, will all combine into making me a very unhappy person, and it will likely mean no writing or at least none worth showing.

So that’s where things stand now.

No Nano.

Possibly nothing new until next year.

I’ll see.

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Hiccups and Hosting

If, by any chance, you were visiting the site sometime between last night and this evening and experienced some downtime or other weirdness, that owes to the site switching hosting.

There were a few minor hiccups along the way, but it seems to be back in order now.

I keep telling myself I’m writing something to celebrate the move, but I had a very lousy day at my other job and have no inspiration. If someone has some to pass along, I’ll give it my best shot, but in the meantime, at least the site is back up and running.