26. “I need a job where I can keep working despite the fact that I’m a complete psycho.”
“Have you considered being a writer?”

27. “I’m scared, Mommy.”
“There are no monsters under my bed.”
“No, because they’re in my head.”

28. “You want to go do something?”
“No, I’m going to stay here under my blanket, buried in my misery.”

29. “They keep saying happiness comes from the inside. That is why I am going to die in misery.”

30. “This is why I don’t use social media. I just got a friend request from a creep.”
“Really? I just sent you a request—Oh.”

31. “Mommy, [sibling’s name] is distracting me!”

32. “Where are you? Get your watusi over here.”
“My watusi is on its way.”
(Actual dialogue from a gaming couple bickering over an instance.)

33. “You can’t rush genius.”
“Which is why you’ve done exactly nothing for the past decade.”

34. “You realize there’s more to life than video games, right?”
“Yeah, it’s called fandom.”

35. “Have you ever noticed how people say, ‘you have to believe me’ when they’re lying?”
“I did notice that was one of your favorite phrases, yes.”

36. “We’re lost again, aren’t we?”
“Whatever gave you that idea?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe the dark, scary forest in front of us?”

37. “One of these days, your browsing history will get you in real trouble.”
“I’m not actually planning on taking over the world.”
“Then why do you need plans for a weapon of mass destruction?”
“I’m a writer?”

38. “You know, when you light a fire under someone, it’s not supposed to be a literal fire.”

39. “Call me crazy, but I don’t think there’s anything sexy about a love triangle. I don’t want two people fighting over me. I just want that one person that loves me for who I am, unconditionally, and that I can love wholeheartedly in return.”

40. “Why are you holding a thesaurus?”
“I need another way to say stupid.”
“You do realize that given the intelligence of the person of the person you’re trying to insult, it’s likely they won’t understand any of those words.”
“…”

41. “You realize how unhealthy that is, don’t you?”
“Do I criticize your coping mechanisms?”

42. “So, to sum it up, you’ve accomplished nothing with your life.”
“Well, I wouldn’t put it exactly like that.”
“How would you put it?”
“I’m a work in progress.”

43. “You are such a coward.”
“That’s not true. I take plenty of risks.”
“Refusing to pass on chain letters is not taking a risk.”
“Are you kidding? Have you seen what they threaten you with if you don’t? I’m putting my life on the line everyday.”

44. “Accepting hep is not a sign of weakness. We all need it sometimes.”
“That’s true, but… you just accepted help from your lifelong enemy. Don’t you think that is a little more than a sign of weakness?”

45. “You just spent the last twenty minutes defending a fictional character.”
“I’d defend you the same way… if you were worth defending.”

46. “You’re free to say that. You’ve never had to get your hands dirty. You can hold onto your ideals and your innocence, but that luxury doesn’t belong to everyone.”
“No, that’s your excuse. You threw away your morality the first chance you got. Don’t pretend it was life that did this to you. You chose it.”
“Do you realize what you’re choosing now with those words?”
“I am not so innocent as to think that you won’t try to kill me. I knew that before I came. My ideals didn’t change. I considered you a friend and came to offer you one last chance. If you’re so far gone that all you can do is kill me, you’re welcome to try.”

47. “The thing is, you carved yourself a place in my life, a hole only you can fill, and that would be fine if you were ever around, but you’re not. You cut way a piece of me, you hollowed out and emptied me so you’d have a place to belong… and then you threw it away and left me.”

48. “What is this list?”
“A disclaimer.”
“Of fifty reasons why I shouldn’t date you. Why did you give me this?”
“I… did you want to go out tonight?”

49. “You knew I was in love with you. You didn’t have to love me back. You weren’t obligated to. But what you did instead… that’s unforgivable.”

50. “You’re throwing this away?”
“Yes.”
“But I gave that to you.”
“It, like you, is something I don’t need in my life.”